| Author | Comment |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
09:09 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | Excuse the... um, pun attempt. |
allynfolksjr
Administrator
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
10:30 GMT
Total Posts: 1892 | I don't like puns, so you're not excused for that. You will note a black helicopter coming to pick you up momentarily. |
Xero Xcape
Marine
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
12:39 GMT
Total Posts: 29 | ...Uhh...umm... well... see... when I drove over here I kinda hit a rocket launcher... and ... well... there's no more copter!
---
BASIC flames are for n00bs, you don't want to be a n00b do you? | My other calc is a Porsche. |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:07 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | Uh, could you have at least waited until I was OUT of the copter?
Oh, yeah, this is war... Jc throws a rock at XX. It hits him on the head and he falls down flat on his face. People laugh. |
Xero Xcape
Marine
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:24 GMT
Total Posts: 29 | XX looks at the people... then remembers that all people (except staff) at calcgames are fair game (I really want that list)
XX attacks... umm... Zedd? no! wait! he attacks Kevin... :)
---
BASIC flames are for n00bs, you don't want to be a n00b do you? | My other calc is a Porsche. |
netham45
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:27 GMT
Total Posts: 7 | The TI-Visual Basic looks like a very DUMB idea. Programming should be eithier text, or ASM on the PC! |
Xero Xcape
Marine
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:29 GMT
Total Posts: 29 | ... DSP you're being shot at...
---
BASIC flames are for n00bs, you don't want to be a n00b do you? | My other calc is a Porsche. |
Andy
Administrator
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:33 GMT
Total Posts: 939 | Netham: Please do not post off-topic. You have been warned. |
Xero Xcape
Marine
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:35 GMT
Total Posts: 29 | dun dun daaaaaa!
XX stabbs Andy in the back, cept he's wering a fluffy sweater and XX loses his spoon
---
BASIC flames are for n00bs, you don't want to be a n00b do you? | My other calc is a Porsche. |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
13:50 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI-Freak sends out his evil army that he has been saving through the previous wars...
There are only 1,000 bazooka packin wariors after...JC!
[Edited by TI Freak on 10-Apr-05 22:52] |
zedd
Ultralisk
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
14:01 GMT
Total Posts: 428 | zedd thanx XX 4 his intelligence and not shooting him.
zedd starts a mash pit where Andy got back stabbed!......
netham45....... sounds like a good name...... to blow up!
BOOOOOM<MMMMHGBVFGUDCJFGKHDYSFHJKCGHZSHDJ!
POGO! don't mess w/ the alliance before zedd cuts your immaginary throat which will do no good but give zedd the pleasure of getting another kill. Zede decides to spray TAG body spray on Pmonkey. then watches him get beat up by a bunch of people. (if u've seen the commercials, then u know)
Hey TIFreak... nice Army.... tell em not to shoot their rocks at my ankle....
JK..JK
where did u get that pic?
---
Na + H2O = Keanu Reeves........WOW |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
14:06 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | I was looking for Star Trek pics on google... |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
14:46 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | Augh! Scary army!!!
Fortunately, as rodents, your army is susceptable to atomic weaponry.
Hm... all that meat will just go to waste...
Zombie Burger Time! New Rodent Selects! |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
14:50 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | JC doesn't realize that they are mutatants, that are activated by atomic fallout, causing them to grow to 50 feet tall. All 1000 of them chase JC as they try to eat him.
People laugh at his plight.
[Edited by TI Freak on 10-Apr-05 23:51] |
Lunchbox
Carrier
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
16:48 GMT
Total Posts: 2007 | L surrounds himself with a cockroach shield, because nothing save raid and the bottom of a shoe can kill a cockroach. L then starts beating the crap out of peopla with his old, worthless N64 controllers. The triple-pronged fury leaves all mercilessly beaten in L's wake. |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 10 Apr 2005
18:10 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI-Freak tries to summon fire, but realizes that his powers don't work in this dimension, so he gets a bucket of gasoline, a lighter, and lights the bug shield on fire, burning the insects, causing them to pop like pop corn. (uuummmm, protien)
Then TI-Freak takes a cd launcher, and begins to shoot worthless aol cds at everyone. |
PogoDaMonkey
Dragoon
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
07:18 GMT
Total Posts: 72 | Pogo goes Matrix on the CD's, but loses a finger. This finger becomes a magic wand that causes the entire area around TI-Freak to become censored as it does many nasty and horrible things to him. (Ouch)
Unkbeknownest to TI-Freak, the AOL Cd's are pure evil, becoming boomerangs and flying back to their maker for the payback anyone deserves for using such an evil thing.
Pogo then resummons a fleet of rigged Protoss warriors in Scouts to sweep over the battlefield with 9999 attack, over 10000 shields and 10000 hp. |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
12:52 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI-Freak manages to teleport out of the censored area, taking no damage. He watches everyone warily... |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
13:49 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | ... and doesn't notice the battle axe that is driven into his skull moments later by one of the mutant rodents. Jc used mind control on them after pretending to run away. |
threefingeredguy
Ghost
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
14:55 GMT
Total Posts: 1189 | ahem, on an unrelated note, i have proved that 6x9 IS indeed 42 (or at least that deep though messed up). read about it in the non calc related forums.
3fg throws a pretzel at jc. he eats it and chokes (like our dear president did back a couple years ago). fortunately, he dies a pretty embarrassing death. how dumb are you if you choke on a pretzel, oh wait i refer again to our dear president. jc is now a blue, twisted corpse.
3fgs dog looks at the tiny little people running around, sniffs, does not smell food, and decides to eat the scary army. if someone hurts 3fgs dog, therell be hell to pay, so 3fgs dog leaves unscathed.
---
Someone call for an exterminator? |
zedd
Ultralisk
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
15:19 GMT
Total Posts: 428 | zedd makes a -worthless play again bottle cap- launcher.
shoots out a million at one hitting every one who has posted in the war zone. then again no damage has been made.
since Hotmail service isn't available at this moment...... zedd goes crazy... this is because he is supposed to receive an important e-mail! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!.......take remote......hits MUTE! .........
---
Na + H2O = Keanu Reeves........WOW |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
15:30 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | After some time, a certain item carried in from one of the far planes, bringing him back to life.
Using the battle axe that is now on the ground, TI-Freak splits JC completely in half... |
threefingeredguy
Ghost
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
15:48 GMT
Total Posts: 1189 | hooray 3fg enjoys such simple violence to jc. he proposes that maybe ti freak with his immense knowledge and skills joins the alliance.
xx's phone rings. he answers it and finds himself unexpectedly talking to God.
XX-"Hello?"
God-"Hello this is God. is this 940-2121?"
XX-"No, this is 940-2124."
God-"Oh, nuts, now you have to die so no one knows i messed up."
XX-"well dingos kidneys"
XX-*struck fatally by lightning*
---
Someone call for an exterminator? |
zedd
Ultralisk
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
17:56 GMT
Total Posts: 428 | zedd totally agrees on the alliance thing!
---
Na + H2O = Keanu Reeves........WOW |
Lunchbox
Carrier
Posted: 11 Apr 2005
18:11 GMT
Total Posts: 2007 | Maybe you should try a 555 number next time.
L takes the little afro dude from the sprite commercials, pulls a poison dart gun out of his hair, and shoots it at everyone. |
PogoDaMonkey
Dragoon
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
04:13 GMT
Total Posts: 72 | Pogo uses a FF7 Reflect spell on both himself and L, causing the darts to eternally reflect back and forth. (reset button anyone?) |
Andy
Administrator
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
09:03 GMT
Total Posts: 939 | Andy steps in and unplugs whatever console FF7 runs on and runs away with the power cord. That solves the problem better than the reset button. Andy then proceedes to choke Jc with said cord. |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
09:49 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | That would be the ps/ps2...
TI Freak takes out a lighter, and lights a fart in Andy's direction, causing him to burn to death.
TI Freak casts a teleport spell (which surprising works, sorta...) causing everyone to end up in ancient egypt, in one of the old pyramids. A small mound of sand starts to come up, and scarabs suddenly pour out of the ground. TI-Freak runs for higher ground as lunchbox is devoured... |
Andy
Administrator
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
10:50 GMT
Total Posts: 939 | "You can't light a fart"
(muffled) "yes you can"
"i'll bet you $100 that you can't light a fart"
(muffled) "ok"
*poof*
"wow! i guess you really can light a fart on fire"
I don't have the time now to get all that done right, I'll do that later. :P
/edit: Here we go.
KENNY
Mph rmph rm!!
CARTMAN
No you can't Kenny!
KENNY
Mph rm rmph!!
CARTMAN
Okay Kenny, I'll bet you a HUNDRED
DOLLARS you can't light a fart on fire!
KENNY
Mph mm!
Kenny pulls out a book of matches.
He strikes a match and holds it under his ass.
After a few seconds Kenny farts, and there is a little flame.
Suddenly, the flames catch and Kenny starts burning alive.
KENNY
MMMPMMPH!!! MGMFEODFO!!!
Kenny runs around, and finally falls to the ground, still
burning.
STAN
OH MY GOD!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!
KYLE
YOU BASTARD!!
Cartman looks shocked.
CARTMAN
Wow, I guess you CAN do that!
Later:
The boys gather around Kenny's lifeless body.
CARTMAN
(Dazed)
I bet him he couldn't do it... I bet him
a hundred dollars!
KYLE
Come on, Cartman. It's not your fault.
CARTMAN
No, I know. I'm just f'ing STOKED I
don't have to pay him!
KYLE
Oh.
[Edited by Andy on 12-Apr-05 21:22] |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
14:33 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | I actually had a post half-written last night and then my mom turned off my computer... :(
Jc easily survives all of the deaths that others place upon him simply by laughing, as they have been beating up his little brother for some time now. :P Jc joins in and shocks his sibling with a taser.
Good thing they look alike...
Jc then suggests that either zedd join under him or he'll make JcCorp's next PC game even harder than Tank Invasion! Muhuahahaha!
By the way, Tank Invasion! can be shortened to TI... did I already post this? |
zedd
Ultralisk
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
16:24 GMT
Total Posts: 428 | excuse moi Jc...... zedd is perfectly happy w/ 3FG.
zedd proposes an unofficial truce not to hurt each other.
zedd: truce truce
Jc: OK
zedd: u can go now
Jc:Ok
zedd- pulls out dagger- back stabs Jc
Jc notices a small stinging senstation
Jc: hey! there's a knife in my back!
zedd makes innocent face that just cant be ignored
Jc: ...............
zedd: he did it! -points to Andy- -Andy points to Pmonkey-
Jc: which one of u did it!?
zedd: they both did it! zedd saw the whole thing!
Jc is still unaware of this act........ therefore he will not attack!
......................................................................
....
Jc... zedd used DSP to make your mom turn your comp off while u were writting your useless ranting.
Edit: just found a can of aerosols. and a lighter!....... u can figure out the rest.
[Edited by zedd on 13-Apr-05 01:28]
---
Na + H2O = Keanu Reeves........WOW |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
17:13 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | zedd didn't notice the 12 daggers in his back, I guess. :) By the way, your "innocent face" just cracked a mirror.
>>zedd: they both did it! zedd saw the whole thing!<<
Wow. You speak in 3rd person in 3rd person. :) |
Lunchbox
Carrier
Posted: 12 Apr 2005
20:17 GMT
Total Posts: 2007 | L incinerates Andy for tainting the CG forums with his swearing. Then he places Andy's remains in a bucket of 12M HCl and throws a lighted firecracker in there. After that, L runs out of good torture ideas, so he goes for the good, old beat-andy's-head-in-with-a-hammer notion. It satisfies L's visceral cravings. |
PogoDaMonkey
Dragoon
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
04:17 GMT
Total Posts: 72 | PDM throws a chain that binds L to the wall so he can beat the sense out of him. This leads to a bloodlust-eske scenario where PDM goes completely crazy, and sends a weaker mind (Andy) to do his work, after using his power of resurrection on Andy. PDM looks on as Andy ceaselessly bite L's head off time and time again, then PDM takes over L's GSE website while he's "tied up at the moment."
[Edited by PogoDaMonkey on 13-Apr-05 13:18] |
Andy
Administrator
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
08:50 GMT
Total Posts: 939 | I'm a weaker mind, am I? Must I prove my superior mind powers? :) |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
09:56 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI Freak throws a ball and Andy goes chasing after it... :lmao_a:
JC trips over the ball, upsetting Andy and he begins attacking JC in a fit of rage, causing him the following side effects:
Heart burn, nose bleed, poor gas mileage, deteriorating skin, loss of hair, loss of friends, increased spam mail, and general acts of God that hurt him.
TI Freak then watches as the scarabs begin chasing after Zedd. |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
10:27 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI-Freak thinks he's won and walks away confidently... right into Jc's Burmese Tiger Trap. He is impaled by a big, pointy, rusty metal stick in the ground. Jc also manages to beat the snot out of Andy and leaves him with the awful side effects, figuring that they are bad enough. PDM then slips on a banana peel. |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
11:19 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI Freak looks at the impalement, and pulls out the metal stick and throws it at lunchbox, which hits him in the head. He then announces that it is 'just a scratch!' and hobbles off to hide behind a small tree. |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
17:26 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | He then dies from Tetnitis or lockjaw or whatsismadisease. |
threefingeredguy
Ghost
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
17:28 GMT
Total Posts: 1189 | that tree was yet again 3fg in disguise! however trees cant actually do anything, so 3fg turns into a mechanical pencil and shoots staples into TIfreak's eyes.
3fg discards another banana peel for people to slip on.
he then imitates his first asm game ever (deer hunter 83+ from december 2004!) by pulling out a shot gun and blasting away at jc. seeing as how jc is not a deer, 3fg is a tree, and neither owns a shotgun. this fails. 3fg still gets a bonus point.
---
Someone call for an exterminator? |
darksideprogramming
Guardian
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
17:33 GMT
Total Posts: 1005 | DSP notices that he has been directly targeted in this, the eighth phase of the war, only once. DSP comes to the conclusion that his adversaries have now resolved that it is futile to attack him, lest they incite his wrath.
But since once is too many...
DSP uses his maxed-out Poseidon's Rage in the midst of battle, killing everyone except DSP (because, of course, DSP is immortal) and netham (because DSP has a score to settle with him).
DSP summons a sperm whale directly above netham's head. The whale thinks netham will be friends with him. The whale, tragically, crushes netham into oblivion. |
zedd
Ultralisk
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
17:39 GMT
Total Posts: 428 | Tfreak! 3fg offered an alliance and u attack!? u will now suffer!
those scarbs eat zdde who is made of poison. ha
Ti freak falls into the tiger pit which has no sticks at the bottom(Jc forgot to put them there.) tfreak falls all the way to china. there.... he gets tortured for being a "spy."( fell into a gov building) chinese procede to torture him because tifreak keeps saying that he's not a spy... and doesn't know what they're talking about.
a chinese man says ... lies!
ti.... No!
chinese.... shut up!
---
Na + H2O = Keanu Reeves........WOW |
JcCorp
Probe
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
17:42 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | The Chinese attempt to question TI-F and he claims that zedd is his leader. The entire Chinese army attacks and captures zedd and grinds him against the entire great wall. Zedd is now a stain. |
Lunchbox
Carrier
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
18:17 GMT
Total Posts: 2007 | L heals his own wounds with a fork-healing salve combo, revives everyone that DSP killed, and slices their body parts off with a lightning-eenchanted, gasoline-soaked, rusty chainsaw one by one, leaving the eyes and ears for last so they can witness their own destruction firsthand. |
threefingeredguy
Ghost
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
18:18 GMT
Total Posts: 1189 | a brown stain! HA BURN!
3fg rescues zedd from china because he is just that cool and rebuilds zedds body only better and with more places to shoot rockets out of! there is also a button on his neck that only zedd can push that will return his body to whaterver it was before the torture and stain-becoming.
3fg throws a trophy at dsp's head. it breaks into pieces. so does the trophy. it turns out it was hollow. so was the trophy!
---
Someone call for an exterminator? |
korkow
Ultralisk
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
19:47 GMT
Total Posts: 465 | Korkow returns from the lonely planet DSP made like...5 battles ago and sends in his evil squirrel to negotiate with the bazooka squirells:
[Edited by korkow on 14-Apr-05 04:48] |
Lunchbox
Carrier
Posted: 13 Apr 2005
21:09 GMT
Total Posts: 2007 | L casts a spell that turns all squirrel blood into a combination of nitroglycerine, water, cornstarch, and air freshener |
PogoDaMonkey
Dragoon
Posted: 14 Apr 2005
04:18 GMT
Total Posts: 72 | PDM Uses this deadly combination and begins chucking squirrels in front of DSP's car, causing a horrible Geico commercial to play again and again and again about squirrels and car insurance. This causes DSP to become trapped in a time loop that blows him up with exploding squirrels then says "Why havent you called Geico?" forever!!!
Its pure evil, i know it! Read on...
PDM then summons the worlds vilest creature ever made, just 100 times larger: BARNY. Unbeknownst to all who hug him, Barny is enchanted to make their heads explode for committing such a horrid act of love in this forum. (Andy, of course, is first in line) |
TI Freak
Probe
Posted: 14 Apr 2005
06:00 GMT
Total Posts:
Edit | TI Freak uses the distraction of zedds destruction, and manages to get out of the prison, usings an old rag, a rusty spoon, and a key. (For the front gate)
Once clear of the prison, he teleports back to the battle, to see what L did to everyone. He the teleports L into a black hole, so he can go away for a lil while. He then heals everyone with a 5' long steel pole...
The squirrels are also healed, so they prepare for L's return... |
darksideprogramming
Guardian
Posted: 14 Apr 2005
07:32 GMT
Total Posts: 1005 | Pogo, yhered, sad little man. I am immortal, therefor you cannot kill me. Prepare to die.
DSP uses his Sith powers to turn Barney against PDM. |
